Handling emotions

Can you really handle emotions, take for example anger, in our neural circuitry anger is out the door before you can react. So how do you deal with it, especially if it has become an issue for you.

There is a lovely book I am currently reading called the Sedona method, this method was shared by a gentleman called Lester Levenson.

Emotions can be either expressed or suppressed, in case of anger, expressing it can have fairly damaging consequences, similarly suppressing anger is a sure shot recipe for a coronary or atleast ulcers and heartburn.

Lester offers an alternative, i.e. release. Yes, release, it all starts with welcoming the emotion as best as you can, the act of denying an emotion only makes it stronger. Then having welcomed it you ask yourself whether you can let go of the emotion and when you would like to let go.

The Sedona method explains that the root of our emotions lie in a sense of want or lack, i.e. wanting approval/disapproval, wanting to survive/die, wanting control/to be controlled and wanting to be one/separate. Once you begin letting go of wants you begin the journey to true freedom or imperturbility. I love the term Lester had given this state, 'Hootlessness' !

My explanation of the process here is extremely brief and I urge you to read the book yourself, however I have found it to be very effective and with practice you will begin to notice subtle changes very quickly.

The flow

There are many times in life when we feel stuck or blocked and we keep on butting our heads against these obstacles and rueing our fate. This whole process is so energy draining and keeps us running around in circles of incorrect action and incorrect reaction.

It is at times like this that we need to push less instead of pushing harder, take a step back, sit down, take a deep breath, have something to drink.. say a cup of tea or coffee and just relax, reflect.

Our inner divine talks to us all the time, most of the time we live very noisy lives and the constant mental chatter drowns out this dialogue with our spirit. The answer will come, trust it, trust yourself and quit worrying.

I pray you find peace. Cheers :-)

Statistically speaking

I remember a cartoon strip from my childhood in England, it was about a character called Andy Capp, I think it's still going strong. In one of the strips Andy is drunk and trips and falls as he walks out of the pub. There's a passerby who laughs at him and Andy just picks himself up, dusts off his jacket and carries on, saying " statistically you get up one time more than the number of times you fall down".

All of us go through phases in our lives when we trip and fall, embarrasing ourselves, hurting ourselves and others too. We feel miserable and it often seems like we will be that way forever, down and injured with the whole world laughing at us.

It is at times like these that Andy, the drunk. working  class  character of the cartoon strip reminds me Guru-like of the truth, that each time that we fall, the choice is always with us, to make the effort to get up, dust ourselves off, laugh along with those who laugh at us and get on with life.

For statistically speaking as long as we breathe and our hearts pound with life, we get up one time more than the number of times we fall down.

The Black Paintings

About two years ago I attended the ISABS advanced lab, ISABS stands for the Indian Society for Advanced Behavioral Science. This is a group which is based primarily on the T group methodology.

It is kind of difficult to explain, but participants come together in small groups over a period of five days and talk about what it is that is holding them back, what it is that they have hidden inside which is causing them suffering and pain. Participants encourage each other through this process and are there for each other. Many things come up, you realise that beneath the veneer of so called normalcy there are many storms in everyone's lives. We continue to repeat destructive patterns of behaviour subconsciously till in a group we examine our beliefs and behaviours and trust others to give us feedback and to share in a very trusting environment. When held up in the light of feedback, the pent up emotions emerge and the  moment of catharsis comes, where we accept and own our behaviours and feel a tremendous sense of release and lightness of being.

Towards the end of the program there was a large gathering of all the participants in the workshop, so there were around a hundred of us. In this gathering the facilitators took us through an interesting exercise. They had placed different abstract paintings in various parts of the banquet room and there was a lot of space to move around and look at these paintings.

The facilitators asked us to go around the room and look at the paintings and then sit in front of the ones which we resonated with. We all chose the ones we were attracted to for various reasons and took our places.

There were two really dark paintings which had only two particpants sitting in front. As the exercise progressed participants discussed in their respective groups and then explained to the others what it was that caused them to choose those particular paintings.

The two who had chosen to sit in front of the dark paintings which had blacks and greys in them spoke towards the end. They said that the  black signified to them the dark area inside us , which we are hesitant to accept, we all get drawn to the colorful and cheerful and feel comfortable with the happier, nice areas of our lives.

Isn't it so true, each one of us has darkness in us which makes us very uncomfortable, however by banishing it into the deep recesses of our mind, the darkness does not go away. Unattended it festers and grows and nags us, like a pus which unconsciously infects the colorful areas.

Should we remain fearful of this darkness , yes it does contain things that we are embarassed or ashamed of. Unattended it will not go away, it will remain there.

Why not accept and own the darkness, look into it, hold it up to the light, shine a torch on it, if not alone then with the help of another. Black after all is a mixture of all the colors, as we examine and look at it the colors will again emerge.After all we are human, all of us make mistakes, true there are  things in our lives that perhaps only our maker will understand and forgive.

The process is hard, it is not easy, there will be change, some of it that may initially bewilder us, frighten us.

The Flame Goddess

Pilgrimage to Jwalaji

Go seek the blessings of your Kula Devi she said, throwing her head wildly from side to side in her trance. I had gone to visit Mataji, she's an old lady who lives near Kalkaji and during navratras it is said that the Devi speaks through her. Many people come to her with their problems and hope to get guidance and relief.

Jwala ji is our Kula Devi or clan goddess and her abode is in Kangra district of Himachal Pradesh. Generations of our family had been going to seek the blessings of the goddess on auspicious occassions. It is customary in our clan of Bhardwaj brahmins to get the tonsure or mundan ceremony done at Jwala ji and offer the birth hair of male children to the godess for her blessings and protection.

The tonsure ceremony is performed in an odd numbered year in the child's life and is one of the important samskaras or religious rites of passage in a Hindu's life. I too had gone to Jwalaji as a child for my mundan and many years later took my son for the same, as my grandfather and his forefathers had done through the ages.

I decided to take the Volvo bus service to Dharamshala and get down on the way at the  town nearest to Jwalaji.

You know, I should have taken the Himachal Tourism bus from ISBT but there was no Volvo scheduled so I had to settle for a private bus starting from Majnu Ka Tila near the pontoon bridge.

Guys, take the Majnu Ka Tila option only if you must, there is no bus stop to speak of, there's only a filthy tea stall which hosts perennial conferences attended by flies from all over India or so it seems. This stall also sells fake soft drinks, yes no kidding, there is a fake Mountain Dew along with nakli potato chip brands.

The tea stall is the only place to sit otherwise you'll need to find your spot between the piles of debris lining the dusty road and wait for your bus. Our bus took its sweet time coming and my calls to the bus coordinator were met with the typical 'hardly five minutes and we'll be there'.

The crowd at the bus stop was a mix of foreign tourists and Indians and some Tibetan looking folks who were taking stuff to sell in Dharamshala or probably visiting home.

Dharamshala is also the abode of His Holiness the Dalai Lama, the spiritual leader of Tibetans and is a place of pilgrimage for his followers across the world.

Finally our bus arrived and I'm pretty sure it was not a Volvo but a Volvo fake, just like the duplicate soft drinks and chips on sale at the tea stall. I thanked my stars that I was travelling alone and would be able to manage, during my youth I had often travelled on spur of the moment trips, without reservation on Indian Railways and often slept on the floor of the cabin with my backpack as a cushion.

The bus was full of passengers and the  bus coordinator was doing his version of revenue management, shifting passengers from one bus to another to ensure all seats had bums on them. I took the window seat and was joined soon by a hasseled foreign lady traveller, poor thing, she kept on trying to impress upon the bus coordinator that she had booked seat number 24 through her travel agent and not the seat at the back where he had seated her.

Bus coordinators in India are master psychologists and he just let the poor lady vent as much as she could. Finally she resigned herself to her fate and we got talking as travellers often do.

Charlotte, my co-passenger was travelling through India on a spiritual journey and spoke fondly of her time at Amma's Ashram, the hugging saint as she is known, embraces all who come to her and many just break into tears experiencing the waves of all encompassing love flowing from Amma.

She spoke animatedly of her fascinating experiences in India, our colorful ways, the spirituality that pervades all that we do. Sometimes it is nice to get a fresh perspective, it  was good to focus on something other than the scams, the skyrocketting cost of living and the corruption and filth that we seem to be drowning in.

We discussed approaches to the formless, nameless, supreme energy and she shared her sense of dejection at the western approach to religion. We both agreed that religion is a commercial venture to package and sell spirituality to the masses.

Charlotte asked so many questions on our way of living and beliefs that I felt embarrased at my little knowledge. We also talked about how yoga is being packaged into easy to digest capsules of weekend courses and is blended with other physical practices like pilates and even swimming, a bit like fusion cuisine :-)

It is unfortunate that the ancient wisdom is being McDonaldised by teachers with little knowledge. Reminded me about the time many years ago when I had gone to the US and the lady who came to pick us up at the airport started a conversation saying that she was learning Kundalini yoga. Oh meri maa , I thought to myself, are you really prepared for what happens when the coiled serpent rises!!

Interestingly both Charlotte and I seemed to  be anwering deep questions that troubled the other. As they say there are no coincidences, we were both destined to be there to get the answers to our queries, God does move and speak in strange and mysterious ways.

Charlotte was disturbed by the fact that she kept getting distracted whenever she sat down to meditate. Meditation does not have to be limited by a physical posture and repitition of a mantra or even focussing on the breath, the thought came to me that even doing the simplest tasks with full immersion is meditation. Just sitting by a stream and being in the moment completely is meditation too. She seemed to like the answer and smiled. In case you need any other answers Charlotte, please speak with my friend and guide Mallika. Mallika runs her own yoga studio in Delhi by the name Mrityunjaya and is my go to expert on the spiritual.

As we continued our conversation, I began thinking how we often mistake being learned for being spiritual. After all one can recite all four Vedas by heart and still not realise God. God is in simplicity, joy and beauty, satchittanada.

The fake Volvo shook me to sleep as the night approached, like a young mother angry and frustrated that her baby does not seem to go to sleep.

We stopped near midnight at a place before Dera for tea and freshening up. The freshening up meant finding an isolated spot in the dark open ground behind the tea stall to do one's thing and water the plants.

The driver told me that since the bus would not go to Jwalaji, he would drop me at Dera, which is like a crossroad and I could take some transportation from there. Overhearing our conversation, the tea stall wala warned me against going to Dera at this time of night. you won't find any transport he said , the place is like a jungle.

One part of me said, listen to the tea stall wala, the other part said, go on, if Jwala Maa has called you to her abode, she will provide the transport too, let her take care of it.

My advice is, go through Dera during the day. At four in the morning, the place was deserted, not even a stray dog in sight, I was so relieved to find two young Himachali boys who were warming their hands over the dying embers of an empty wooden crate. They were going to Jwalaji too and after about half an hour we were on a mini bus blaring latest punjabi pop driving up to Jwalaji for twenty rupees each.

At 4.30 in the morning the area around the temple was still quite dark, I had a quick cup of hot milky tea and started off for the temple compound.

There is a public washroom and a bath area where one can freshen up and have a shower, but be careful, the place is filthy, the bath cubicles don't have any shower arrangements or buckets or mugs. I realised that I can be quite creative and managed to bathe without the above mentioned luxuries.

The temple itself is ancient though modern lighting and tiles have been added as have additional shrines and houses over the years. The pahadi bhents or religious songs mention that the Pandavas also came and worshipped Jwala Maa and built her bhawan.

I realised that it was Baisakhi day, a very auspicious day to have darshan of Jwala Maa. With eyes brimming over with tears of joy I offered the flame godess her favorite bhog of pedas and asked for her blessings on me, my family and friends.

I sat for a while in the courtyard trying to meditate and felt myself swaying as I sat crosslegged in the lotus pose. Maybe it was just me getting swayed by the aura of the whole place and my journey to the worship place of my ancestors, perhaps I had visited the temple in earlier lives. Maybe it was the movement of the ticklysnake located at the base of my spine, uncoiling and then settling back coiled, as the time to rise had not come.

The name is Bond....... Ruskin Bond

Meeting the wordsmith

The drive up to Landour in Mussorie is breathtaking, it's as if you are in another world another era, far removed from the Mussorie mall with its' chana sellers, the rickshaws and the telescope walas who want to show you the 'points' through their vintage telescopes.

We so much wanted to meet the old wordsmith Ruskin Bond, he and Mussorie go together like Dehradun and stick jaws from  Elloras. The wife had done a neat piece of detective work, she searched internet links and phone numbers and finally got through to Sunil Arora the proprietor of the Cambridge Bookstall on Mussorie mall.

We were a little let down when Sunil told us that Rendezvous with Ruskin Bond is on Saturdays  where visitors can meet the old gent and get their autographs and photos. We would be reaching Mussorie on Sunday and would miss the rendezvous.

Sunil is such a wonderful person, he heard the disappointment in our voices and told us that he would speak with Sir (that's how he addresses Ruskin) and see if he would agree to meet us at his home in Landour.

You should have seen the smiles on our faces when Sunil told us that Ruskin Bond would meet us at his home, wow!!

 

We set off eagerly on the short taxi ride  up the winiding road to Landour, clutching the books that we wanted autographed, my daugher had taken along a small box of chocolates for the author. We climbed up the red steps to his house, not knowing what to expect

Ruskin Bond himself greeted us warmly,  the gold rimmed glasses highlighting the twinkling childlike blue eyes and made us comfortable in the small and cosy living room. He was wearing a dressing gown, it was similar to the one my grandfather used to wear on winter mornings. Ruskin coughed a little as we talked about the weather and how last night's rain had lowered the temperature.

The conversation moved on to his early life, how he became an author and published his book 'Room on the Roof' at the age of seventeen. He spoke of his time at school when the emphasis used to be on building a strong body through sports and a strong character, aided along the way by a whack on the ears of the quick address of the master's cane. Ruskin told us how rival schools would tease them by calling their school Bishop Woollens instead of Bishop  Cottons.

He told us about his days in Delhi when the city was only the old city and Lutyens' Delhi and colonies like Karol Bagh and Shahdara. A time when the iron railway bridge was the only way to get into Delhi. Gurgaon was actually a collection of gaons or villages and reaching there from Delhi was an expedition in itself!

Writing is a talent said Ruskin and the way to become a writer is to read a lot and write a lot. As far as making a living from it, well it is much easier now, though the percentage of readers hasn't increased the sheer growth in the number of readers ensures that one can make a decent living if one is good.

We spoke about our favorite stories and books right from the 'Boy without a face' to the 'Room on the Roof'.

The adventures of the ticklysnake, let me tell you how the name came about.

A couple of months ago I was at the Ishana store at Delhi's International Airport, it was just after midnight and I was browsing through the displays. I used to go the store frequently, primarily because it gave me a lot of peace, the store is full of positive vibrations, having been blessed by Sadhguru himself.

In one section there were rudrakshmalas and snake rings and amulets on display, as I stood near the display case, one of the lady sales assistants came up to me and we started talking. Back of my mind I thought, oh no, she's going to pester me into buying something. Thankfully, she did not and we got talking about our shared interest in spirituality and meditation.

During the conversation I noticed that my entire body was tingling from head to toe, this  was something I had experienced before while meditating or in a deeply spiritual state but earlier the sensation had been restricted to my scalp. All of a sudden my eyes fell on the 'Linga Bhairavi' amulet kept on display and zoop! I felt a tickly wave of energy slither up from the base of my spine to the top of my head. It lasted a fraction of a second and I realised that I had been blessed by a glimpse into the existence of the Kundalini.

First thing next morning I called up my friend Dr. Shiv Biswas eager to share the exciting news, hmm said the good doctor as he pondered over what I had just shared with him. He then brought me down to Earth by sharing that the sales lady who I had been speaking with, had been recently attuned by Sadhguru. So she was like a battery that had just been charged and we had made a connection through our conversation so the energy momentarily flowed through me. It was a bit like one tuning fork vibrating in the presence of another.

Over many years of flirting with spirituality, my rational mind keeps on strangling the romantic yearning and denies the existence of anything that cannot be proved.

This was one of Shiva's ways of showing me that there exists something beyond the current limitations of scientific enquiry. He allowed me to feel the energy in one of the thousands of Kundalini strands to satisfy my query, He also started me off on an internal journey in search of the ticklysnake ,the coiled serpent in my Muladhara chakra.

Bathing the Blue Throated One

Om Gananaam twa Ganpati gum havamahe...... the opening invocation to Ganesha, the remover of all obstacles resounds in the temple as the five or six of us chant along with the priests at the Sidhi Vinayak temple in DLF Phase 4, Gurgaon.

It is the thirteenth day of the lunar month and the occasion of Pradosam the ritual prayer to Lord Rudra. The auspicious time for the abhishekham or ritual bathing starts just before sunset, the godhuli vela or the time for the cows to come home. The Pradosh vrat or fast is said to be a very powerful vrat and can bestow many boons on the devotee.

Just before the ceremony people start trickling in, the regulars will be there, I don't know too many of them by name. I'm a bit of an oddity here anyway, one north Indian amongst so many tambrams. We're all united in our love for Shiva, regardless of differences in language, dress or our dietary preferences.

I love the Shiva aspect of God, after all he is one that I can relate to and identify with. The typical family man, with wife, two kids Ganesha and Kartikeya and some pretty weird friends. He is totally chilled out, my lord, he gives of his love equally to all who approach him. He is easy to please and very simple, does not need any pretences or rituals hence on of his names 'Ashutosh'. He will  not turn you away because of your food preferences or your status in life.  Shiva worshippers range from the no onion no garlic type staunch vegetarians to the Kashmiri Pandits who offer mutton and rice to Lord Maheshwara. Washed, tilak wearing brahmin types, unwashed, don't have a rupee in your pocket types, no problem, come on in.

In calendar art, Shiva is often depicted as having a faint smile on his lips and his eyes half closed, he's probably  laughing, thinking how silly his creations behave most of the time.

Throughout the ages Shiva followers have tried to ape the look, dreadlocks and the chillum to get that stoned effect. Seriously guys, do you really think God is into substance abuse and that any substance can have an effect on him. This is the being that took the most powerful poison in all creation at the time of Samudra Manthan or churning of the ocean  and drank it to protect us.

The ceremony soon starts, beginning with a Sankalpam, where devotees who want to get the special pooja done give their names and gotras and their birth stars to the priest. The sanksrit shlokas reconfirm the geographical and horological coordinates, as if God doesn't know when and where we are performing the pooja , heh heh!

On special days we perform the Mahanyasam, this is by itself an over two hour long purification ritual, otherwise we do the laghunyasam, a smaller condensed version.

Then starts the chanting of the Namakam and Chamakam, the verses come from the sixteenth chapter of the Yajurveda. The Namakam has 11 paragraphs which to my understanding are to appease Lord Rudra and get him into a good mood. When I first read the Rudram I was a little upset that  Shiva is praised as the Lord of smugglers - 'Taskaranam Pataye Namah', then as I kept on reading I gradually understood that the formless, nameless, takes forms and names in all physical manifestations. He is in the good and in the not so good as we percieve it. Anything that exists, exists because there is some good (GOD) in it. So, he is in everything, in the green leaves and also in the dry leaves and so on.

As each Anuvaka or paragraph is recited the Shiva Lingam is bathed with auspicious ingredients. These include ganga jal or water from the holy Ganges, oil, honey, sandalwood paste, bhasma or ash, sugarcane juice, water from a green coconut, raw milk, curds and yes the Lord gets a fruit facial as well with seasonal fruits including bananas, grapes etc. all mashed to a pulp.

After each ingredient the Shiva Lingam is bathed with water and the priest performs the aarti. Then the devotees begin chanting the Chamakam, this is the prescribed goodies list, since it is ancient, it includes things which you might not be able to  accomodate in your appartment. Yep, lots of cows and bulls and calves, guess they figure on the list because for a pastoral people as the ancient Aryans were, hooves were money.

Devotees also ask for a long, healthy and happening life and then a peaceful transition when the time comes. I really love the shloka 'Om Trayambakam yaja mahe..., where the devotee asks to be give a place at the Lord's lotus feet when he is ripe, just like the cucumber leaves the vine when it is ready.

The Purshasuktham follows, this is the Hindu hymn of creation and has some shlokas that i don't feel comfortable with. Then the prayers to Maa Durga and Lakshmi followed by the Shanti Shlokas complete the pooja.

Devotees sing the Lingashtakam and the Bilva strotram, this is a fabulous strotra, in essence it is a reminder to us not to get carried away by the wealth and riches that we have. Not to get swayed by our ability to offer the choicest of dishes to Shiva in jewel encrusted dishes, nor to take pride in our ability to host grand ceremonies, for my father, Bholenath is accessible to all and is satisfied with the loving gift of a single Bilva leaf.

Shiva is the simple Lord, so simple that he can be attained by just meditating on his form or chanting 'Om Namah Shivaya' or even sitting  and contemplating him in complete silence anywhere in the world. Worshipping him does not require any ceremony, in fact the simple act of lovingly pouring water on the Shiva Lingam, washes away the sins of many lifetimes.

After all amongst the chaos and complexity, the universe is really very simple. We human beings complicate our lives too much, adding layers of complexity. It's not easy to let go, I understand that, for we peg our existence to coordinates on the physical plane. We feel we must exist as positions, net assets,certifications and relationships. On one hand it is really scary to let go, however deep in our hearts we all know that there is something more to life than the mundane.

It is time for the aarti and all of us stand, eagerly awaiting the curtains being drawn open, eager to set eyes on the decorated form of the Shiva Lingam. The temple bells are rung in rhythm and the aarti thali moves clockwise, He has descended into our midst and the whole atmoshphere has become Shiva.